How to Manage Money in Marriage

How to Manage Money in Marriage


MALE ANNOUNCER: COMING UP ON “MARRIAGE TODAY WITH JIMMY & KAREN”… JIMMY EVANS: WHEN WE GOT MARRIED AND WE WOULD TALK ABOUT MONEY, KAREN CALLED ME A SPENDTHRIFT AND I CALLED HER A TIGHTWAD. THAT’S WHY WE COULDN’T TALK ABOUT MONEY, BECAUSE WE JUDGED EACH OTHER SO MUCH AND SHE WOULD–WHEN SHE’D CALL ME A SPENDTHRIFT, MY BLOOD PRESSURE WOULD GO UP AND I’D JUST–OH, I HATED FOR HER TO SAY THAT. AND I SAID, “KAREN, YOU’RE KIND OF ONE OF THOSE WOMEN, YOU’RE GONNA DIE WITH ALL YOUR MONEY IN YOUR MATTRESS, AND NOBODY WILL LIKE YOU.” AND SHE SAID, “YOU WON’T HAVE THE MONEY TO GET A MATTRESS.” AND I THOUGHT…OOH! GET UNDER MY SKIN. SO, WE JUST–WE COULDN’T TALK ABOUT IT. BUT LISTEN TO ME, IT’S JUST THE WAY I SEE MONEY. IT’S JUST THE WAY SHE SEES MONEY. A MARRIED MAN, A MARRIED WOMAN, OR CHILDREN WITH THEIR PARENTS INTACT, THEY HAVE A BETTER CHANCE OF FINANCIAL WEALTH THAN ANYBODY ELSE ON EARTH. IT’S JUST PROVEN. AND SO, WEALTH HAS A REAL BLESSING TO IT WHEN IT COMES INTO MARRIAGE AND WE CAN HANDLE IT. HOWEVER, THE NUMBER ONE REASON PEOPLE LIST AS WHY THEY’RE DIVORCING IS MONEY PROBLEMS. IT’S A TWO-EDGED SWORD. IT HAS TREMENDOUS POWER OF BLESSING IF WE KNOW HOW TO HANDLE IT TOGETHER IN MARRIAGE, BUT IF WE DON’T, IT CAUSES TREMENDOUS STRESS. AND KAREN AND I, THIS WAS THE RADIOACTIVE ISSUE IN OUR MARRIAGE. AND BY “RADIOACTIVE,” I MEANT SOMEBODY’S GONNA GET HURT, IS WE COULD NOT TALK ABOUT MONEY. YOU KNOW, MONEY HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. THAT’S THE PROBLEM WITH IT. IT’S NOT ONE OF THOSE THINGS THAT HAPPENS EVERY NOW AND THEN. MONEY HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. IT’S REAL. THERE’S A DEMAND ON OUR LIFE FOR US TO HAVE MONEY AND TO SPEND MONEY, AND ESPECIALLY FOR THE ESSENTIALS OF LIFE. WE WERE BROKE, NUMBER ONE. WE DID NOT KNOW HOW TO HANDLE MONEY, AND WE DIDN’T AGREE ON IT, SO WE COULDN’T TALK ABOUT IT. WE COULDN’T TALK ABOUT MONEY. AND SO WE JUST HAD THIS INCREDIBLE STRESS WITHIN OUR LIVES, AND MONEY WAS, REALLY, IT WAS THE MOST PAINFUL, MOST FRUSTRATING SUBJECT IN OUR MARRIAGE. TODAY IT’S A HUGE BLESSING. AND SO WE KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO BE BROKE. WE KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO LIVE HAND TO MOUTH AND MONTH TO MONTH, WEEK TO WEEK, PAYCHECK TO PAYCHECK. WE KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IT’S LIKE. BUT WE ALSO KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO BE BLESSED AND TO BE ABLE TO TALK ABOUT MONEY WITHOUT ANY SENSE OF ANXIETY WHATSOEVER. I HEARD A PREACHER SAY THIS ONE TIME–MONEY, WHEN A PERSON GETS SAVED, MONEY IS THE LAST TO COME AND THE FIRST TO GO. MONEY IS TYPICALLY THE LAST AREA OF OUR LIVES WE GIVE JESUS LORDSHIP IN. AND I CAN JUST TELL YOU AS A PREACHER, WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT MONEY–IT IS, FOR MANY PEOPLE, IT’S JUST A VERY FRUSTRATING–THEY GET ANGRY WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT MONEY. AND I’LL TELL YOU WHY YOU GET ANGRY, IT’S ‘CAUSE JESUS ISN’T LORD OF THAT AREA. THAT’S WHY I USED TO GET ANGRY WHEN I WOULD HEAR PREACHERS TALK ABOUT MONEY. IT’S JUST–JESUS ISN’T LORD IN THAT AREA. WELL, IF JESUS ISN’T LORD IN THAT AREA, HERE’S THE PROBLEM. SEE, WHEN JESUS IS LORD OF YOUR MARRIAGE, THAT MEANS BOTH OF YOU ARE NOT. AS A COUPLE, NEITHER ONE OF YOU IS DOMINATING THE MONEY, AND NEITHER OF YOU IS WRESTLING TO TRY TO GET THE OTHER PERSON UNDER THEIR CONTROL BECAUSE JESUS IS LORD. WHEN THERE’S ONE HEAD, YOU DON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT TWO HEADS. YOU’RE NOT GONNA HAVE A HEADBUTTING CONTEST WHEN JESUS IS LORD. BUT WHEN JESUS ISN’T LORD, YOU’RE GONNA HAVE ALL KINDS OF PROBLEMS STARTING WITH GOD. JESUS WASN’T LORD OF MY FINANCES. AND WHEN KAREN AND I GOT MARRIED, WHAT IT MEANS IS WE JUST MADE DECISIONS. WE MADE DECISIONS, AND THEN WE WANTED GOD TO BLESS IT. I BOUGHT SOME OF THE WORST CARS IN THE HISTORY OF AUTOMOBILES. AND I JUST THOUGHT THEY WERE GREAT. AND, YOU KNOW, I DON’T KNOW A WHOLE LOT ABOUT CARS. I JUST THOUGHT THEY WERE GREAT. I BOUGHT LEMON AFTER LEMON, BUT I WANT YOU TO LISTEN TO WHAT I’M SAYING. NOW, KAREN AND I PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING. WE DON’T MAKE ANY SIGNIFICANT DECISION UNLESS WE MAKE IT TOGETHER. NEVER EVER, EVER. NOW, ONE OF THE THINGS IN PRE-MARRIAGE COUNSELING, THIS IS JUST SOMETHING YOU NEED TO TALK ABOUT. BUT ONE OF THE THINGS THAT WE TALK ABOUT IN PRE-MARRIAGE COUNSELING IS, HOW MUCH CAN YOU SPEND WITHOUT YOUR SPOUSE’S APPROVAL? MOST PEOPLE FIND THAT OUT BY FIGHTING. “YOU BOUGHT WHAT ONLINE?” BECAUSE HOW MUCH CAN YOU SPEND WITHOUT YOUR SPOUSE’S APPROVAL? AND SO IN COUNSELING– NO KIDDING IS–I HAD ONE COUPLE, AND SHE SAID, “IF HE’S BUYING A SLURPEE AT 7-ELEVEN, I WANT A CALL. I DON’T WANT HIM BUYING ANYTHING WITHOUT MY PERMISSION.” THEN I HAD ANOTHER WOMAN THAT CAME UP TO ME. THIS WAS AFTER A SEMINAR. AND SHE SAID, “I GUESS MY HUSBAND AND I NEED TO TALK BECAUSE HE JUST BOUGHT A RANCH THIS WEEK THAT I DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT.” I SAID, “I THINK I WOULD TALK TO HIM ABOUT THAT.” SO ANYWAY, HOW MUCH CAN YOU SPEND, OK? BUT MY POINT IS, GIVING AND PRAYING MAKE JESUS THE LORD OF OUR FINANCES. AND THAT’S WHERE BLESSING COMES FROM. AND IT KEEPS YOU FROM COMPETING FOR THE CONTROL OF YOUR FINANCES. NUMBER 2–DANGER OF MONEY AND MARRIAGE IS DISRESPECT OF YOUR SPOUSE’S FINANCIAL PERSPECTIVE AND INPUT. NOW, KAREN AND I COULDN’T TALK ABOUT IT BECAUSE WE BOTH HAD JUDGED EACH OTHER SO MUCH. NOW, MOST OF US THINK, “THIS IS $100. AND, NO, YOU CANNOT HAVE IT.” THAT’S A $100 BILL. SEE, WE ASSUME WHEN PEOPLE LOOK AT MONEY–THERE, BENJAMIN FRANKLIN–IS WE ASSUME THAT EVERYBODY SEES THE SAME THING, BUT THEY DON’T. AND I READ AN ARTICLE NOW–I’LL TELL YOU ABOUT KAREN AND I IN JUST A MINUTE–BUT WHEN YOU LOOK AT THIS MONEY, YOU SEE DIFFERENT THINGS THAN YOUR SPOUSE DOES, TYPICALLY. YOU’RE SEEING SOMETHING DIFFERENT. KENNETH DOYLE, FINANCIAL PSYCHOLOGIST AT THE UNIVERSITY OF MINNESOTA, HE PUBLISHED A REPORT, AND HE TALKED ABOUT THE 4 MONEY LANGUAGES THAT WE TYPICALLY–WE COULD HAVE MORE THAN ONE MONEY LANGUAGE, BUT TYPICALLY WE HAVE A DOMINANT MONEY LANGUAGE. AND HERE ARE THE 4 MONEY LANGUAGES ACCORDING TO KENNETH DOYLE. NUMBER ONE IS DRIVER. TO A DRIVER, MONEY MEANS SUCCESS. WHEN A DRIVER SEES MONEY–NOW, THERE’S NO RIGHT OR WRONG ANSWER. IT’S JUST THE WAY WE SEE MONEY. TO A DRIVER, THIS JUST MEANS SUCCESS. IT JUST, YOU KNOW, IT–MONEY PROTECTS AGAINST THE FEAR OF INCOMPETENCE. THE MORE MONEY THEY HAVE, THE MORE COMPETENT THEY FEEL. KIND OF A SELF-ESTEEM KIND OF A DEAL, RIGHT OR WRONG. NUMBER TWO IS AN AMIABLE–MONEY MEANS LOVE. RELATIONSHIPS AND PEOPLE ARE THE FOCUS OF THEIR FINANCIAL DESIRES. MONEY MEANS LOVE AND AFFECTION. LACK OF MONEY MEANS LOSING THE ABILITY TO EXPRESS LOVE. NUMBER 3 IS ANALYTIC. MONEY MEANS SECURITY. IT WARDS OFF CHAOS AND PROBLEMS, AND THESE PEOPLE ARE VERY WELL-STRUCTURED AND WELL-PLANNED. NUMBER 4 IS EXPRESSIVE. MONEY MEANS ACCEPTANCE AND RESPECT. MONEY PURCHASES THE RESPECT AND ADMIRATION OF OTHERS. MONEY MEANS ACCEPTANCE AND PROVIDES A BASIS FOR A RELATIONSHIP WITH DESIRABLE PEOPLE. AND SO AGAIN, THERE’S NO RIGHT OR WRONG ANSWER. WE ARE BORN WITH THIS IN US. WE LOOK AT MONEY A CERTAIN WAY. KAREN IS AN ANALYTIC, AND I’M AN AMIABLE. TO KAREN, MONEY MEANS SECURITY. SHE–SHE IS A VERY GOOD PERSON WITH MONEY. SHE’S VERY THRIFTY. SHE ALWAYS WAS. WHEN WE WERE DATING AND WHEN WE FIRST GOT MARRIED, KAREN WAS VERY THRIFTY WITH MONEY. BUT TO ME, MONEY MEANS LOVE. WHEN I HAVE LOVE–I MEAN WHEN I HAVE MONEY, I JUST LOVE TO, YOU KNOW, EXPRESS, YOU KNOW, AFFECTION TOWARD, YOU KNOW, WHOEVER IT IS AROUND– MY FAMILY ESPECIALLY. KAREN AND MY FAMILY. SO, WHEN WE GOT MARRIED AND WE WOULD TALK ABOUT MONEY, KAREN CALLED ME A SPENDTHRIFT AND I CALLED HER A TIGHTWAD. THAT’S WHY WE COULDN’T TALK ABOUT MONEY, BECAUSE WE JUDGED EACH OTHER SO MUCH. AND SHE WOULD–WHEN SHE CALLED ME A SPENDTHRIFT, MY BLOOD PRESSURE WOULD GO UP, AND I’D JUST– OH, I HATED HER TO SAY THAT. AND I SAID, “KAREN, YOU’RE KIND OF ONE OF THOSE WOMEN, YOU’RE GONNA DIE WITH ALL YOUR MONEY IN YOUR MATTRESS, AND NOBODY WILL LIKE YOU.” AND SHE SAID, “YOU WON’T HAVE THE MONEY TO GET A MATTRESS,” AND I THOUGHT… [LAUGHTER] OOH! GET UNDER MY SKIN! SO, WE JUST–WE COULDN’T TALK ABOUT IT. BUT, LISTEN TO ME, IT’S JUST THE WAY I SEE MONEY. IT’S JUST THE WAY SHE SEES MONEY. WELL, HERE’S THE ISSUE. AND THAT IS, IF YOU’RE BOTH THE SAME, YOU ACTUALLY HAVE THE SAME STRENGTH, BUT YOU HAVE THE SAME WEAKNESS, YOU’RE BETTER IF YOU’RE DIFFERENT. SEE, WITH KAREN AND I, WE’VE BEEN MARRIED SO LONG, WE THINK ALIKE. AND SO I’M VERY CONSERVATIVE FINANCIALLY, IS–ESPECIALLY THE OLDER I GET, I THINK LIKE KAREN THINKS, BUT SHE ALSO THINKS LIKE I THINK. AND I SAID ONE TIME, THE FAMILY IS SAFER BECAUSE OF HER, IT’S FUNNER BECAUSE OF ME. KAREN DOESN’T LIKE ME TO SAY IT. AND, UH, SHE’S VERY FUN, AND SHE’S ALSO A VERY GENEROUS PERSON. SHE’S A HUGE GIVER AND TAUGHT ME TO GIVE. BUT THE POINT IS, WE MAKE BETTER DECISIONS WHEN WE MAKE THEM TOGETHER. AND WHEN WE’RE–WHEN WE’RE HAVING A CONVERSATION RELATED TO MONEY, I KNOW IMMEDIATELY THAT KAREN IS GOING TO BE CONSERVATIVE. I KNOW THAT SHE’S GOING TO WANT TO CONSERVE MONEY. BECAUSE TO HER THAT’S SECURITY. NOW, HER SECURITY’S IN GOD. SHE’S A WOMAN OF GOD. SHE’S NOT A WORLDLY, MONEY-LOVING KIND OF A PERSON, BUT SHE’S CONSERVATIVE FINANCIALLY. WHICH I ALWAYS THOUGHT SHE’S A TIGHTWAD AND I NEED TO PRY IT OUT OF HER TIGHTWAD LITTLE FINGERS. THAT’S MY MISSION IN LIFE, IS TO GET MONEY AWAY FROM THE SISTER. AND I WOULD SAY THAT FOR MANY YEARS, KAREN AND I WOULD TALK ABOUT MONEY. I WANTED TO ENJOY EACH OTHER. I WANTED TO BE WITH MY FAMILY. I WANTED TO DO SOMETHING WITH PEOPLE. THAT’S JUST THE WAY THAT I’M WIRED. AND IT’S NOT SAYING KAREN DOESN’T WANT TO, BUT SHE WILL CONSERVE FOR A LONG TIME BEFORE SHE’S WILLING TO. BUT THE POINT BEING, TODAY WE DON’T HAVE A PROBLEM IN THIS AREA BECAUSE WE RESPECT EACH OTHER. BUT BEFORE, WE JUST JUDGED EACH OTHER CONSTANTLY, CALLED EACH OTHER NAMES, YOU KNOW, AND WENT TO EXTREMES. ALL MONEY LANGUAGES HAVE A WEAKNESS. A DRIVER MAY HAVE AN OVERDEPENDENCE UPON MONEY FOR HIS OR HER SELF–FOR SECURITY AND SELF-ESTEEM. AN ANALYTIC MAY BE WELL-STRUCTURED BUT INSENSITIVE TO THE NEEDS OF PEOPLE AND THE VOICE OF GOD. MONEY CAN BECOME GOD TO AN ANALYTIC, AND THEY CAN BE VERY INSENSITIVE TO PEOPLE AROUND THEM. AN AMIABLE, LIKE ME, MAY BE KIND AND GENEROUS, BUT A POOR MONEY MANAGER WHO IS UNPREPARED FOR THE LONG TERM. IF BOTH PEOPLE IN THE FAMILY ARE AMIABLE, YOU PROBABLY DON’T HAVE A LOT OF MONEY. YOU’RE PROBABLY VERY WELL-LIKED AND BROKE. UH… EXPRESSIVE… MAY BE SOMEONE WHO USES MONEY THE WAY SOME PEOPLE USE ALCOHOL–TO HIDE THEIR FEARS AND INSECURITIES AND TO DEAL WITH THEIR PAIN. AND SO I–LISTEN, I HAVE A WEAKNESS IN MY MONEY LANGUAGE. I’LL JUST ADMIT IT, IS, I AM AMIABLE, WHICH MEANS I SEE MONEY IN A CERTAIN WAY. I NEED AN ANALYTIC AROUND ME. AND THANK GOD I HAVE ONE. AND SO LIFE IS BETTER WHEN YOU HAVE SOMEONE TO BALANCE YOU. AND BY THE WAY, IF YOU BOTH HAVE THE SAME MONEY LANGUAGE, GET HELP. FIND SOMEONE–A FRIEND, A FINANCIAL COUNSELOR, SOMEONE WHO CAN SPEAK INTO YOUR LIFE FROM A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE, AND IT REALLY WILL BLESS YOU. BUT, HONESTLY, A LOT OF YOU ARE DIFFERENT–NOW, LET ME READ THIS LAST PART HERE BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE THIS OUT. WE CAN ALL SAY “I LOVE YOU” IN DIFFERENT WAYS. LET’S LISTEN TO THIS ONE. AN ANALYTIC COMMUNICATES LOVE BY SAVING. THESE ARE YOUR IRRITATING RELATIVES THAT GIVE YOU SAVINGS COUPONS FOR CHRISTMAS. AND YOU’RE THINKING, “I DON’T WANT SAVINGS–I DON’T WANT A SAVINGS BOND, I DON’T WANT A SAVINGS ACCOUNT SLIP. I WANT CASH. ANY PART OF ‘CASH’ YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND? I WANT A NEW iPOD.” THEY SAY, “NO, HERE’S A $50 SAVINGS BOND.” ANALYTIC. AMIABLE… COMMUNICATES LOVE BY SHARING. “I’LL GIVE YOU CASH IF YOU WANT ME IN YOUR FAMILY.” [LAUGHTER] A DRIVER COMMUNICATES LOVE BY SHOWING. “LOOK AT THE NEW HOUSE. LOOK AT THE NEW CARS. LOOK AT THE TRAMPOLINE. LOOK AT THE THINGS THAT I GOT FOR YOU.” AN EXPRESSIVE COMMUNICATES LOVE BY SPENDING. THEY’LL GO OUT AND SPEND, AND THEY THINK IN THE PROCESS, THEY’RE GONNA GIVE YOU BETTER CLOTHES, THEY’RE GONNA GIVE YOU SOMETHING THAT WILL MAKE YOU “IN” WITH THE GROUP OF PEOPLE THAT YOU WANT TO BE A PART OF. SO WE MAY BE SAYING, “I LOVE YOU,” BUT WE SAY IT IN DIFFERENT WAYS. AND AGAIN, IF WE DON’T UNDERSTAND THAT, IT CAN BE A GREAT SOURCE OF TENSION. LET ME GIVE YOU 3 SCRIPTURES REAL QUICKLY, 3 THOUGHTS. “LUKE” 11:17. JESUS SAID, “A HOUSE DIVIDED AGAINST ITSELF FALLS.” IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO DISAGREE AND SUCCEED. WHEN YOU HAVE DISAGREEMENT, CHRONIC DISAGREEMENT WITHIN A RELATIONSHIP, IT WON’T SUCCEED. THAT’S WHY UNITY IS ESSENTIAL. SECOND SCRIPTURE. “CAN TWO WALK TOGETHER UNLESS THEY AGREE?” WE NEED TO FIRST AGREE. THE ANSWER’S NO. YOU FIGHT BECAUSE YOU DON’T AGREE. BUDGETING IS A CRITICAL THING, NOT BECAUSE OF NUMBERS BUT BECAUSE OF VALUES. BUDGETING IS TALKING IN ADVANCE. IT’S NOT ARGUING ALONG THE WAY. CAN TWO WALK TOGETHER UNLESS THEY AGREE? NO, YOU’RE GONNA FIGHT THE WHOLE TIME. WHY? BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T AGREE. BUDGETING IS NOT A MATHEMATICAL THING. BUDGETING IS A VALUES AND PRIORITIES THING. WHAT DO YOU VALUE? DO YOU VALUE GOING TO DISNEYLAND? OR DO YOU VALUE BUYING A NEW CAR? OR DO YOU VALUE GOING CAMPING? OR DO YOU VALUE SAVING FOR COLLEGE? OR DO YOU VALUE A NEW COUCH? WHAT DO YOU VALUE? BECAUSE WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN IN THE PROCESS OF SITTING DOWN AND BUDGETING IS YOU’RE GONNA HAVE A PROACTIVE CONVERSATION, A CONVERSATION IN ADVANCE, AND YOU’RE GONNA TALK–NOT BULLY EACH OTHER. YOU’RE GONNA PRAY AND SUBMIT EVERYTHING TO GOD, AND THEN YOU’RE GONNA TALK, AND WHAT YOU’RE GONNA FIND OUT IS, “WE WANT TO GIVE, AND THAT’S OUR NUMBER ONE VALUE. AND THEN WE WANT TO TAKE CARE OF THE NEEDS OF OUR HOME. AND THEN WE WANT TO SAVE FOR OUR CHILDREN’S EDUCATION.” AND AT THE END OF THE LINE, WHAT YOU HAVE IS ALL YOUR VALUES HAVE BEEN ESTABLISHED AND YOU AGREE. CAN TWO WALK TOGETHER UNLESS THEY AGREE? NO. BUT IF YOU AGREE, YOU’RE GONNA WALK TOGETHER AND HAVE A GREAT TIME. KAREN AND I NEVER BUDGETED. WE WEREN’T ABLE TO TALK ABOUT MONEY. HERE’S THE THIRD SCRIPTURE. “WHERE THERE IS NO REVELATION, THE PEOPLE CAST OFF RESTRAINT.” WHERE THERE IS NO VISION, THE PEOPLE CAST OFF RESTRAINT. YOU NEED TO GO ON A VISION RETREAT ONCE A YEAR, AND THIS IS–YOU CAN BUDGET THEN IF YOU WANT TO, BUT IT’S BIGGER THAN BUDGETING. A VISION RETREAT IS WHERE YOU GO TOGETHER AND YOU PRAY ABOUT YOUR CHILDREN, YOU PRAY ABOUT YOUR FAMILY, YOU PRAY ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP, AND YOU GET A VISION FOR THE NEXT YEAR FOR WHAT GOD WANTS YOU TO DO. WHERE THERE IS NO VISION, AND THAT MEANS SPIRITUAL REVELATION, THE ABILITY TO SEE THE WAY GOD WANTS YOU TO SEE, PEOPLE CAST OFF RESTRAINT. YOU CAN’T KEEP THEM TOGETHER. “BUT HAPPY IS HE WHO KEEPS THE LAW. HAPPY IS HE WHO WALKS IN THE WILL OF GOD.” AND THAT’S WHAT IT MEANS. CHRONIC DISAGREEMENT MEANS YOU’RE FIGHTING BECAUSE YOU DON’T SEE EYE TO EYE. YOU DON’T SEE EYE TO EYE BECAUSE YOU’VE NEVER STOPPED AND SUBMITTED TO GOD AND TALKED ABOUT THE BUDGET AND TALKED ABOUT YOUR VISION AND VALUES UNTIL NOW. YOU’RE ABLE TO WALK TOGETHER BECAUSE YOU’RE BOTH LOOKING AT EXACTLY THE SAME PLACE, BECAUSE YOU’VE AGREED. AND SO CHRONIC DISAGREEMENT JUST SIMPLY MEANS STOP. DON’T BE REACTIVE; BE PROACTIVE. THERE’S PROACTIVE COMMUNICATION, REACTIVE COMMUNICATION, AND RADIOACTIVE COMMUNICATION. YOU CAN BE PROACTIVE IN YOUR COMMUNICATION. IT’S THE VERY BEST WAY TO COMMUNICATE. IF YOU’RE NOT PROACTIVE, YOU’LL BECOME REACTIVE, AND WHEN YOU BECOME REACTIVE, SOME ISSUES WILL BECOME SO RADIOACTIVE, YOU CAN’T TALK ABOUT THEM, AND RADIOACTIVE MEANS SOMEBODY’S GONNA GET HURT IF WE TALK ABOUT THIS ANYMORE. WE CAN’T CONTROL OUR TEMPER. IT’S BECOME RADIOACTIVE, DANGEROUS. NUMBER 5 IS DEBT. THE NUMBER 5 DANGER IS DEBT. I DON’T BELIEVE THAT DEBT IS WRONG. I JUST BELIEVE IT’S VERY CAUTIONARY. IT’S ALWAYS BETTER TO PAY CASH, TO LIVE UNDER YOUR MEANS, TO SAVE SO YOU CAN PAY CASH. LISTEN, IF YOU’RE NOT SAVING, YOU’RE NOT LIVING WITHIN YOUR MEANS. IF YOU’RE NOT SAVING MONEY, YOU’RE NOT LIVING WITHIN YOUR MEANS. DON’T GO INTO CREDIT CARD DEBT. IT’S THE WORST DEBT IN THE WORLD. I USE CREDIT CARDS. WE PAY THEM OFF AT THE END OF EVERY MONTH. PAY THEM OFF. USE THEM FOR WHATEVER YOU WANT TO USE THEM FOR. IT’S THE WORST–IT’S THE WORST DEBT YOU CAN POSSIBLY GO INTO. AND PEOPLE ARE SENDING YOU THESE CREDIT CARDS ALL THE TIME TO GET YOU TO USE THEM. YOU’VE GOT TO DISCIPLINE YOURSELF. DON’T GO INTO THAT KIND OF DEBT. IT IS STIFLING DEBT. KAREN AND I HAD CREDIT CARD DEBT EARLY IN OUR MARRIAGE. AND IT WAS JUST–IT WAS JUST CHOKING US BECAUSE OF ALL THE INTEREST THAT WE OWED. GET OUT OF THAT KIND OF DEBT. PAY CASH AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN. AND I USED TO SAY “BORROW FOR APPRECIATING ITEMS.” BUT THERE AREN’T VERY MANY APPRECIATING ITEMS THESE DAYS. BUT BE CAREFUL ABOUT DEBT. IF YOU’RE BORROWING FOR A HOUSE OR A CAR, BE CAREFUL ABOUT IT. BUT LIVE UNDER YOUR MEANS, SAVE MONEY. AND WHEN YOU GO INTO DEBT, IF YOU GO INTO DEBT, JUST PRAY ABOUT IT AND MAKE SURE “WE CAN EASILY MAKE THIS PAYMENT; THIS PAYMENT IS NOT GOING TO CAUSE STRESS; THIS PAYMENT IS NOT GOING TO COMPROMISE OUR ABILITY TO LIVE OUR LIVES,” IS, “THIS IS NOT GOING TO COMPROMISE US.” AND WE DON’T HAVE THIS MENTALITY: “THE MORE I MAKE, THE MORE I CAN BORROW.” THAT’S A DANGEROUS MENTALITY. HERE’S THE MENTALITY: “THE MORE I MAKE, THE MORE I CAN SAVE AND THE MORE I CAN PAY CASH.” I MAY NEED TO WAIT A WHILE AND DELAY GRATIFICATION FOR A WHILE, BUT THEN WHATEVER I DIDN’T GET HERE, I’LL MORE THAN MAKE UP FOR IN BEING ABLE TO PAY CASH. WELL, I HOPE THIS TEACHING TODAY WAS A BLESSING TO YOU. YOU KNOW, THIS TEACHING TODAY IS PART OF A FULLER SEMINAR THAT I DO CALLED “MARRIAGE ON THE ROCK.” AND “MARRIAGE ON THE ROCK” IS A 10-PART SEMINAR. AND IN THAT SEMINAR, WE JUST TALK ABOUT THE FOUNDATIONAL ISSUES OF MARRIAGE THAT SAVED OUR MARRIAGE, LITERALLY. WHEN KAREN AND I WERE ON THE BRINK OF DIVORCE, THIS IS THE INFORMATION THAT SAVED OUR MARRIAGE. AND SO WE WANT TO GET THIS INFORMATION INTO YOUR HANDS. WHAT YOU SAW TODAY IS JUST A VERY SMALL PART OF THE FULL SEMINAR. FIRST OF ALL, FOR YOUR GIFT OF ANY AMOUNT RIGHT NOW TO SUPPORT THE MINISTRY AND MISSION OF “MARRIAGE TODAY,” WE WANT TO SEND YOU THE CD SINGLE CALLED “THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUE IN MARRIAGE.” AND IT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUE IN MARRIAGE. WE’LL SEND IT TO YOU RIGHT AWAY FOR YOUR GIFT OF ANY AMOUNT. FOR YOUR GIFT OF $50 OR MORE, WE WANT TO SEND YOU THE FULL CD SEMINAR–10-PART SEMINAR– “MARRIAGE ON THE ROCK,” PLUS THE “MARRIAGE ON THE ROCK” BOOK. FOR YOUR GIFT OF $110 OR MORE, WE’LL SEND YOU THE FULL SEMINAR ON DVD, PLUS THE “MARRIAGE ON THE ROCK” BOOK, PLUS OUR BOOK, “HAPPY, HAPPY LOVE.” AND “HAPPY, HAPPY LOVE” IS JUST A FUN BOOK. IT’S A VERY ROMANTIC BOOK. PUT THE SPICE BACK INTO YOUR RELATIONSHIP, KIND OF THE PASSION AND INTIMACY. MAYBE IF YOU’VE LOST SOME OF THAT, IT’LL JUST HELP YOU TO GET IT BACK. ALL OF THESE RESOURCES ARE MARRIAGE-SAVING, MARRIAGE-BUILDING RESOURCES. WE WANT TO GET THIS TO YOU TO HELP YOU, TO BLESS YOU. MAYBE EVEN IF YOU’RE SINGLE OR DIVORCED, GET THESE AND PREPARE FOR YOUR NEXT MARRIAGE. BUT WE WANT TO GET THESE INTO YOUR HANDS. HERE’S HOW YOU CAN GET THEM. MALE ANNOUNCER: “MARRIAGE ON THE ROCK,” THE BEST-SELLING BOOK AND SERIES, IS THE ESSENTIAL RESOURCE TO HAVING THE MARRIAGE OF YOUR DREAMS. THROUGH THIS POWER-PACKED SERIES, MARRIAGE EXPERT JIMMY EVANS WILL SHOW YOU HOW TO DEAL WITH REAL-LIFE CHALLENGES AND OFFER EASY-TO-UNDERSTAND SOLUTIONS THAT WILL TRANSFORM YOUR RELATIONSHIP. JIMMY WILL ADDRESS ALL THE MAJOR ISSUES A COUPLE WILL ENCOUNTER, LIKE COMMUNICATION, FINANCES, SEX, KIDS, HIS & HER NEEDS, BLENDED FAMILIES, AND MUCH MORE. FOR YOUR GIFT OF ANY AMOUNT, YOU’LL RECEIVE THE CD SINGLE “THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUE IN MARRIAGE.” FOR YOUR GIFT OF $50 OR MORE, WE’LL SEND YOU THE “MARRIAGE ON THE ROCK” BOOK AND CD SERIES. FOR YOUR GIFT OF $110 OR MORE, YOU’LL RECEIVE THE BOOK AND DVD SERIES, PLUS THE PASSION-REIGNITING “HAPPY, HAPPY LOVE” BOOK. DISCOVER GOD’S DESIGN FOR YOUR DREAM MARRIAGE. WHETHER YOU’VE BEEN MARRIED FOR YEARS OR JUST PREPARING FOR THE JOURNEY, EXPERIENCE “MARRIAGE ON THE ROCK” TODAY. JIMMY: WELL, THIS PROGRAM TODAY IS ON “MARRIAGE AND MONEY.” AND, YOU KNOW, THERE ARE 3 REASONS–PRIMARY REASONS– THAT PEOPLE GET MARRIED– SEX, MONEY, AND CHILDREN. THOSE ARE ALSO THE 3 PRIMARY REASONS PEOPLE DIVORCE. SO IN OTHER WORDS, THE PLEASURE AREAS OF OUR MARRIAGE, IF WE DON’T HANDLE THEM PROPERLY, CAN BECOME EXTREMELY PAINFUL. AND THE THING ABOUT MONEY IS WE DO IT EVERY DAY. AND SO WE HAVE SOME QUESTIONS, KAREN, FROM VIEWERS RELATED TO MONEY. AND WE WANT TO JUST ANSWER QUESTIONS AND, HOPEFULLY, HELP PEOPLE WITH–THEY’RE GOING THROUGH ISSUES. KAREN: THAT’S GREAT. UM, THIS ONE IS ASKING, “WE BOTH EARN GOOD INCOMES, BUT WE HAVE LITTLE TO SHOW FOR IT. HOW CAN WE EFFECTIVELY BUDGET AND NOT LIVE PAYCHECK TO PAYCHECK?” JIMMY: WELL, THE ISSUE OF BUDGETING IS AN ISSUE OF VALUES. YOU KNOW, THAT IT’S NOT JUST MONEY, BUT IT’S WHERE YOUR VALUES ARE. BUT ONE OF THE THINGS THAT YOU CAN DO IS DOWNSIZE. IF YOU’RE NOT ABLE TO SAVE–IF YOU’RE NOT ABLE TO GIVE TO THE LORD AND IF YOU’RE NOT ABLE TO SAVE, YOU’RE NOT LIVING WITHIN YOUR MEANS. YOU’RE SPENDING TOO MUCH MONEY. YOU WANT TO BE ABLE TO SAVE, BECAUSE–SO YOU CAN PAY CASH AND NOT BE IN DEBT ALL THE TIME. YOU WANT TO BE ABLE TO GIVE TO THE LORD BECAUSE THAT’S THE FIRST AND MOST IMPORTANT THING WE DO WITH OUR FINANCES. SO MAYBE YOU LIVE IN A SMALLER HOUSE, MAYBE YOU DRIVE OLDER CARS, MAYBE YOU DON’T HAVE CERTAIN, YOU KNOW, BLESSINGS AND THINGS THAT YOU DO FOR YOURSELF RIGHT NOW. BUT, LISTEN, WHEN YOU DOWNSIZE–AND STRESS ROBS US OF THE JOY OF LIFE. WHEN YOU’RE LIVING OVER YOUR HEAD AND YOU’RE LIVING FROM PAYCHECK TO PAYCHECK, IT JUST, THE STRESS OF THAT ROBS THE JOY OF YOUR MARRIAGE AND YOUR LIFE. SO I THINK EVERYTHING’S ON THE TABLE. AND IF WE HAVE TO MOVE INTO AN APARTMENT, IF WE HAVE TO RENT RATHER THAN BUY– WHATEVER WE HAVE TO DO, WE’RE GONNA LIVE UNDER OUR MEANS SO WE CAN GIVE TO THE LORD AND WE CAN SAVE AND WE CAN LIVE WITHIN OUR MEANS. AND WHEN YOU DO THAT, IT GETS BETTER AND BETTER AND BETTER AND BETTER. KAREN: THAT’S AWESOME. JIMMY: OK. SO LET ME READ YOU THIS QUESTION: “MY WIFE IS A FREE SPIRIT. SHE LIKES TO SPEND, AND I LIKE TO SAVE. HOW DID YOU AND KAREN ACCEPT EACH OTHER’S DIFFERENCES WITHOUT REJECTING EACH OTHER?” WE DID REJECT EACH OTHER, BY THE WAY, SO…HA HA! KAREN: YEAH. FOR SURE. UM, YEAH, IT WAS ONE OF THE–LIKE WE’VE SAID BEFORE, IT WAS ONE OF THE HOT SPOTS OF OUR CONVERSATIONS. JIMMY: IT WAS A RADIOACTIVE ISSUE IS WHAT I WOULD SAY. YEAH. KAREN: BECAUSE I’M THE SAVER AND YOU’RE THE SPENDER. AND SO I HATE SAYING IT LIKE THAT. IT’S NOT VERY NICE. JIMMY: WELL, IT’S TRUE. KAREN: WELL, I KNOW. BUT, UM, BUT, YOU KNOW, I JUST–I WAS RAISED THE WAY I WAS RAISED, YOU KNOW? MOST OF IT IS BECAUSE I DO LIKE TO SAVE. AND THEN, LIKE YOU’VE SAID, IN YOUR PAST, IT WAS JUST THE OPPOSITE. YOU DIDN’T HAVE ANYTHING, SO YOU WANTED TO SPEND. AND SO WE CAME INTO IT WITH THAT. BUT EVEN SINCE THEN, WE’VE BOTH LEARNED THAT THERE ARE GOD-GIVEN THINGS IN BOTH OF US… JIMMY: THAT’S RIGHT. KAREN: THAT WE’RE BORN WITH. AND I WAS BORN WITH THAT IN ME. AND YOU WERE BORN WITH WHAT YOU HAVE. JIMMY: THAT’S RIGHT KAREN: AND IT’S LEARNING HOW TO USE IT GODLY. YOU KNOW, GOD’S WAY. YOU KNOW, WHATEVER– JIMMY: YOU’RE ANALYTIC, AND I’M AMIABLE. AND THAT’S JUST THE WAY THAT WE’RE WIRED FINANCIALLY. AND WE ACCEPT EACH OTHER. WE USED TO REJECT EACH OTHER. AND SO NOW WE ACCEPT EACH OTHER. AND WHEN WE HAVE CONVERSATIONS, WE DON’T SHAME EACH OTHER OR… KAREN: AND WHAT HELPED IS BECAUSE WE REALIZED NEITHER ONE OF US ARE RIGHT OR WRONG. JIMMY: THAT’S RIGHT. KAREN: WE’RE BOTH OK, YOU KNOW. IN OTHER WORDS, IF YOU’RE OPPOSITE, IT’S OK. AND IT’S IMPORTANT, THOUGH, TO TALK ABOUT IT, TO TALK ABOUT WHAT BOTHERS YOU. WHAT IS IT THAT, YOU KNOW–“WHY DO YOU NOT LIKE ME TO SPEND?” AND, YOU KNOW, WHAT YOU AND I CAME UP WITH IS, YOU KNOW, I JUST WANT TO BE TOLD. YOU KNOW, JUST TELL ME. YOU KNOW, EXPLAIN TO ME WHY WE’RE SPENDING THIS. AND THEN FOR THE WIFE THAT–OR LIKE I WAS, YOU KNOW, “TIGHT” OR, YOU KNOW, WANTING TO SAVE, YOU KNOW, HOW IT HELPED YOU IS I JUST SAID, “I DON’T MIND SPENDING IF WE HAVE MONEY IN SAVINGS.” JIMMY: THAT’S RIGHT, AND THAT’S SUCH A GREAT THING. KAREN: YEAH. JUST COMMUNICATING. YOU KNOW, JUST, “THESE ARE THE REASONS WHY I FEEL THE WAY I FEEL.” JIMMY: WE’RE BETTER TOGETHER. WE MAKE BETTER DECISIONS. ONE MORE QUESTION, KAREN. READ THIS ONE. KAREN: OK. “MY WIFE IS GREAT WITH MONEY AND PAYS OUR BILLS. HOWEVER, SHE RESISTS WHEN I WANT TO HAVE FUN SPENDING MONEY WITH THE FAMILY. SHOULD SHE MAKE ALL OF OUR FINANCIAL DECISIONS?” JIMMY: ABSOLUTELY NOT. IF SHE DOES, SHE’S DOMINATING THE FINANCES, OK? KAREN: YEAH. JIMMY: MARRIAGE IS ABOUT SHARING, OK? MARRIAGE–NO ONE CONTROLS THE FINANCES. WE SURRENDER TO GOD, AND WE MAKE ALL OF OUR DECISIONS TOGETHER. KAREN, FOR THE LAST 40 YEARS OR SO OF OUR MARRIAGE, WE’VE MADE EVERY IMPORTANT DECISION TOGETHER. WE DON’T BULLY EACH OTHER. WE DON’T PUT EACH OTHER DOWN. WE DON’T MAKE EACH OTHER PAY A PRICE FOR DISAGREEING. AND THE RESULT OF THAT IS HAPPINESS, AND GOD BLESSES IT. BUT THERE WAS A TIME THAT IT WASN’T THAT WAY. SO HE SAYS, “SHOULD SHE MAKE ALL OF OUR FINANCIAL DECISIONS?” NO. BUT YOU SHOULD RESPECT HER AND SHE SHOULD RESPECT YOU. AND YOU SHOULD PRAY AND MAKE YOUR DECISIONS TOGETHER. AND WHEN YOU DO THAT, GOD’S GOING TO BLESS IT. AND I’LL TELL YOU, IT IS GOING TO MAKE A DRAMATIC DIFFERENCE IN THE ATMOSPHERE OF YOUR MARRIAGE. BECAUSE MONEY’S A BIG DEAL. WE SPEND MONEY EVERY DAY. KAREN: THAT’S RIGHT. JIMMY: SO WE HOPE THAT THIS HAS BEEN HELPFUL TO YOU TODAY. THANK YOU FOR TUNING IN. WE WANT TO SAY THANK YOU TO ALL OF OUR PARTNERS ALL ACROSS AMERICA, AROUND THE WORLD, FOR SUPPORTING US HERE AT “MARRIAGE TODAY.” OUR PARTNERS GET SPECIAL BLESSINGS AND RESOURCES THAT ARE ONLY FOR OUR PARTNERS, OUR ROCK SOLID PARTNERS. IF YOU’RE NOT A PARTNER, WE’RE ASKING YOU, WOULD YOU PLEASE STAND WITH US TO HELP US TAKE THIS MINISTRY BACK TO YOU AND ALSO TO OTHER PEOPLE ACROSS AMERICA, AROUND THE WORLD? WE WANT YOU TO BECOME A MONTHLY PARTNER. HERE’S HOW YOU CAN DO IT. [ATTENDEES CHEERING] FEMALE ANNOUNCER: WE ALL ENTER INTO MARRIAGE CONFIDENT A HAPPY, FULFILLING LIFE IS IN FRONT OF US. OVER TIME, LIFE’S JOURNEYS CAN QUICKLY DEFLATE THOSE EXPECTATIONS, AND WE’RE LEFT FEELING LIKE WE’VE FALLEN OUT OF LOVE. BUT WITH THE RIGHT INFORMATION AND A MUTUAL COMMITMENT TO SUCCESS, A BETTER MARRIAGE IS POSSIBLE. BECOME A ROCK SOLID PARTNER AND GAIN INSTANT ACCESS TO PRACTICAL MARRIAGE HELP IN TOPICS RANGING FROM COMMUNICATION, NEEDS, AND INTIMACY, AS WELL AS BLENDED FAMILIES, INTENTIONAL DATING, SPIRITUAL HEALTH, AND MUCH MORE. “MARRIAGE TODAY” EXISTS TO HELP EVERY PERSON SUCCEED IN MARRIAGE. WITH YOUR HELP, WE CAN CONTINUE RAISING A STANDARD FOR MARRIAGE AND REVERSE THE CURSE OF FAMILY BREAK UP IN ORDER TO REBUILD THE NATIONS ONE HOME AT A TIME. MAN: THAT’S WHY WE’RE TIED INTO THE MINISTRY. WE WANT TO BE ABLE TO BLESS AND GIVE SO THEY CAN KEEP DOING WHAT THEY’RE DOING. SECOND MAN: THERE’S JUST MILLIONS OF MARRIAGES THAT NEED HELP, AND IF THIS IS THE WAY WE CAN HELP FACILITATE THAT, THEN THAT’S A GREAT WAY TO SPEND SOME MONEY. THIRD MAN: WE LOVE JIMMY AND KAREN, AND WE LOVE JUST LEARNING MORE ABOUT HOW TO BE A BETTER COUPLE AND HOW TO HELP OTHER COUPLES LIKE THEY DO. ANNOUNCER: BECOME A ROCK SOLID PARTNER WITH THE MINISTRY AND MISSION OF “MARRIAGE TODAY.” Thank you for watching MarriageToday. Subscribe to MarriageToday’s YouTube channel for more marriage-building videos and updates.

16 thoughts on “How to Manage Money in Marriage

  1. me and my husband came up with a figure that he could spend however he wanted. It was a number that I was comfortable handing over the first of every month and he was just happy he had gotten anything lol.

  2. Good advice. Sad you don't reflect genuine need to counsel as Jesus would have you…. When is enough money enough for you? Certainly, by your own words, and the boasting of your book sales, conference fees, material level of wealth, you pander to gain more. Why is it you would rather live as the worldly wealthy instead of living in a modest home in a modest neighborhood and giving your 'ministry' for free, to people who will be compelled to give to you what they cannot afford because of being made to feel that is what is scriptural? Or is it you can use the poor as example, yet for the benefit of the target demo being upper income? You may want to read some George Mueller. Become the ministry after Jesus's heart, then will your message be anointed.

  3. Thanks Jimmy. Appreciate seeing the different divisions of peoples money views. It made me think of the great philosopher C Daniels and his quip on money. https://youtu.be/Ygo212r_vEk

  4. just communicate – make decisions together – but one party or one gender, intuitively leasds, which becomes a habit and then, (like any habit), stops working

  5. Imagine in case of an act of god, solar flash, all electronics are fried, no money are dispensed by ATM, money lose their value, what couples are gonna do ? What they are gonna count on ? Money ? Who will be the hero, the spendthrift husband who bought a ranch, and probably knows how to hrow crops, or the tightwad wife that hasn’t bought anything because her bank account is now somewhere in one of the fried servers … womans are so greedy

  6. Another wolf preying on "Christians" who suppresses man's authority and leadership in marriage in order to bow down to the demonic feminist spirit that is screwing the modern world.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *